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   In sheer bogglement did Jean watch Norman submit to multiple hours in the dentist’s chair, at a cost of thousands, to have two bridges constructed, one of which keeps getting unstuck. ‘Catch me agreeing to anything like that!’ she exclaimed in her usual pride comes before a fall style.

   Just one little crown it was, on a spike, that came out while she was enjoying her cholesterol stripping Benecol chocolate biscuit.

   Her dentist frowned. “I could stick it back in but this is the second time,” she said. “It won’t stay in any more. The best idea is a new glass fibre stump,” and she played with her computer and printed out lots of pretty coloured diagrams.

   “Is all that going to be expensive?” Jean croaked. Another sheet shot out of the printer with a list of necessary appointments, one of which was to last two hours - TWO HOURS in a dentist’s chair when she needs Diazepam for 20 minutes! Then she saw the price - £831- for one tooth!

    “Stick it back in again please,” said Jean. “I’ll be more careful.”

   The next day it came out again.

   “I give in,” Jean muttered. “What’s money? Who needs another holiday? I’ll take two Diazepam. I’ll think of England. I can do it.”

   The dentist was frowning again. “The trouble is,” she said, “I’m looking at this X ray and the roots need building up before the glass stump can be fitted. It’s not a problem. I know a lovely couple who specialise in root work. Over Great Missenden way. You’ll need two appointments with them and then we can start on the rest of the treatment.”

   “Is there any guarantee that that will be the end of it?” gasped Jean.

   “Well no guarantee.”

   “Just take the remains of the tooth out please,”said Jean.

   Her dentist doesn’t like her any more but she’s very fond of Norman.


The number of entries for this competition has made it quite impossible to award a prize yet. The CD of Jean singing “Two hundred Edwardian melodies” remains in the Flyer office awaiting further meetings of the adjudication board. Since each member of staff sent in an entry and Francis insists on voting for everyone except himself an early decision is not expected. We print their offerings for your edification.


 Rip: I’m afraid my fishing rod was lost among the Finchley meadowsweet.

Taffy: Would you like to me read to you from the Mabinogion?

Young  Reynard: My brothers may have gone hunting but I just want to stay here with you.

Swan: you’re not such an ugly duckling.

Harold the heron: Would you care to see my water feature?

Lion: Roaaaaaaaaar!

Editor: I think you may be my fifth cousin twice removed.

Tennyson: Come into the garden Maud. (How did he get involved? Ed.)

Francis: Let us take a vow of poverty together

Teaboy: I dropped my keys down your neck.