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    Jean has watched many a film where a fugitive flips out his Sim card and flings it in a ditch to fool pursuing police. Luckily, she has not yet needed to perform such an action.

     She had treated herself to a new phone, especially made simple for the more mature user. It has big red buttons and a foghorn voice. It also takes photographs and functions as a radio. Not bad for £29.29.

     She decided to flip out her Sim card from the ten year old model and use that. No point in wasting the £2.14 credit.

     Flip. So how does one find the thing? What do you flip? After inventive ingenuity failed she found the old Nokia instruction book. Press in and slide. Sounds simple. It wouldn’t move. Norman lent a hand. They both tried, Jean pressing, Norman sliding. Hopeless. Finally a large screw driver was used to prize the top off. No sign of a Sim card though.

     “I think I’ll use the new one they sent me,” Jean muttered, “and let the police catch me.”



    At first Jean applauded Waitrose for dispensing free coffee at their entrance. The aroma on stepping in from the car park is delightful. However, after a few weeks people started accepting the offer, and drinking in store, slowly, reflectively, in a contented caffeine daze, regardless of an irritated Jean trying to reach round them for her shopping.

Just as she has often yearned for a tannoy to announce: “All cars to remain immobile until Jean has safely traversed the car park,” she would now like to hear: “Stand clear of the shelves coffee drinkers. Jean is coming through.”